


It's All Okay, Until It's Not

by Passions



Category: Hamish MacBeth (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-01
Updated: 2014-07-01
Packaged: 2018-02-06 23:37:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1876779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Passions/pseuds/Passions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hamish tries to rationalise his actions to himself as his heart moves further and further away from Alex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's All Okay, Until It's Not

The first time it happened it was completely by accident. 

Things had been tense between him and Isobel. She was doing some information gathering in a number of the small towns around Lochdubh, so she’d been staying in town overnights and travelling about during the day. Which meant Hamish had run into her a number of evenings at the Inn and even just around town. 

Alex was in London visiting some of the friends she hadn’t seen since moving back to Lochdubh, so Hamish had hoped that he and Isobel would be able to get along alright. But it seemed like she hadn’t quite forgiven him for choosing Alex over her a few months back.

Well, that wasn’t quite fair. Isobel had been willing enough to explain her behaviour to him when he asked. Said that while she was disappointed by his choice she understood and that she was staying away to make it easier for the both of them to move on.

It had hurt Hamish more than he was willing to admit that she seemed to be moving on well enough. Because he sure as hell didn’t seem to be doing too good a job of it.

When he’d gotten back to the station the night after that talk with Isobel, he had taken a warm shower, trying to sort things out in his head. Reaching down to stroke his growing erection wasn’t anything new and he let his mind go blank as he focused on the pleasure of the warm water pouring over him and the feel of his hand moving over his cock.

But somehow an image slipped into his mind, an image of a naked Isobel, skin pale and shining in the moonlight, sitting on his bed and leaning back on her hands, her knees drawn up to her chest. His hand moved faster without him even thinking about it and when the image in his mind smiled and parted her legs he came with a hoarse shout, all evidence of his sudden shift of attention getting washed away gently by the spray of the shower. An accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The second time it happened (a few weeks later) he couldn’t ignore some degree of intention for the outcome right from the start.

The past week had actually been a hard one for Hamish. Someone had been murdered a couple of towns over and while the killer had eventually been picked up by the coppers from Inverness not far from the other village, there had been a very real danger of him showing up somewhere around Lochdubh, so Hamish had been on edge for a while.

When he got back to the station late on a Saturday night after helping with the arrest and getting everything squared away with the boys from Inverness, it was dark and empty. John had already headed home and Hamish found a note from Alex on the table saying she’d be spending a couple of days with her father; he needed help getting around after hurting his ankle. For some reason it barely registered with Hamish and, rather than being upset he was … relieved in some way. Relieved he wouldn’t have to relive the case immediately as Alex questioned him about it. 

His shower had been quick and perfunctory before he crawled beneath the covers on his bed. But even though he was tired he couldn’t get his mind to settle. The fallback was easy, his hand slipping beneath his pajama bottoms and caressing himself to full hardness before setting to releasing some of the tension in his body.

He started out thinking about Alex and all the things they had done together, but it didn’t surprise him when his mind suddenly turned towards Isobel again and his arousal increased, his hips flexing up into his fist as he imagined the dark haired woman who was meant to only be his friend. And yet even just imagining her body beneath his, her hands reaching up to him as she smiled was enough to push him over the edge, spilling over his hand as he panted. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three times was the beginning of a pattern.

The third time Hamish masturbated to thoughts of Isobel there wasn’t any sort of stress that he could use to justify it like there had been the first two times. But thinking about Isobel got him off faster and harder than thinking about Alex did.

The fourth time he didn’t even start by thinking about Alex, just skipped right to thoughts of Isobel.

By the seventh time he had moved on from fairly innocuous images of holding each other and kissing to any position his mind could come up with. And that was a fair few.

But it was okay, he thought. It was okay because while he might think of Isobel while he was alone, he made sure that his attention always came back to Alex while he was with her. 

Until, of course, it didn’t.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first time Hamish actually fantasized Isobel in Alex’s place it was perhaps easy to understand the slip up. Alex had been in London again and he’d been under the impression she was returning the next day and so didn’t feel terribly bad about taking himself in hand and letting his mind run riot through images and situations between him and Isobel, imagining her smaller fingers in place of his as he ran them over his heated flesh, imagining it was Isobel’s tongue tracing over the slit on the head of his cock rather than his own thumb.

And then Alex had returned home. To surprise him. Because she knew he missed her while she was away.

It had been impossible to try to hide what he’d been doing, and Alex had happily joined in. But his spinning mind hadn’t quite caught up with his body and when he came inside of Alex it was Isobel’s name that he was biting back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The second time … The second time Hamish had imagined Isobel while he was with Alex he had lain awake afterwards for more than an hour, berating himself.

It had been amazing. He had dropped his head to Alex’s shoulder while he thrust inside of her. She smelled wrong, not like Isobel, but the trade off had been worth it. Feeling her heat and wetness tight around him as his mind supplied a slightly smaller body, paler skin, a more pointed face, and shorter darker hair … moans and groans had spilled from his mouth more frequently than he wanted to admit to.

And he hadn’t even been able to stop himself from saying Isobel’s name as fire shot down his spine and exploded into pleasure. And feeling the woman underneath him come apart around him only intensified that pleasure. He was very lucky that his orgasm stole his breath, so Isobel’s name was only shaped and caressed by his lips and not shouted out for anyone to hear.

Hamish was honestly very disappointed in himself for that. It was the best orgasm he had had in some time, but it wasn’t fair to be thinking of some other woman while he was with Alex. And nor was it fair to leave Alex, or ask her to leave, when she had come back to Lochdubh for him. 

Besides, it was all okay. Sure, he thought about Isobel, but he never actually touched her, never physically betrayed Alex. 

Until, of course, he did.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alex was away in London yet again the night he truly betrayed her trust. Somehow she seemed to be gone almost as often now she was living in Lochdubh as she had been when she’d actually been living away from the town. For the last month and a half she had been in London every weekend. For the last two weeks she’d been in London for four out of every seven days.

Alex had left for London that afternoon and Hamish was happy to spend the evening with the menfolk at the pub. Isobel was waiting at the station when he got home afterwards.

"Hamish!" she smiled. "I wasn’t sure where you were, so I thought I might just wait a bit." She bent down to pet and say hello to Wee Jock, at his side.

The air felt heavy with tension to Hamish, but he didn’t know if Isobel felt it or not. “Did ye need somethin’?”

"Oh! I - uh. I just wanted to ask you something. Not terribly important, really, but … I’m sorry I came so late."

Hamish shook his head slowly, somewhat confused. “No, no, it’s alright. Would you like to come in?” he gestured to the door.

She nodded. “If it’s not too much trouble.”

He stepped past her and unlocked the door, waving his arm for her to precede him in. She hung up her coat and toed off her boots. It made him happy, how at ease she was with him. It wasn’t surprising, really, given how long they’d known each other, but it helped to put him at ease as well.

He started towards the couch, but she didn’t follow him, choosing instead to stay in the doorway. So he turned and walked back to her, even as she dropped her gaze from his face to the ground.

"Isobel, what’s wrong?"

She shook her head and looked up at him with a sad sort of smile on her face, shrugging. “I don’t even know why I need to know so much, but I just need to ask.” She took a deep breath and Hamish braced himself for whatever might be coming. “That day. I understand why you chose Alex, but if she hadn’t come back … did you really feel something for me, Hamish? Could we have really been together, do you think?”

Hamish felt his face crumple as he looked at her. How could she possibly doubt how much she meant to him, how much her feelings for him meant for him. Obviously she couldn’t read his mind, but his feelings for her, his need for her, were so strong that Hamish was almost baffled she couldn’t feel it.

He reached up to rest his palm on her cheek. “Isobel - ” He shook his head. It was so difficult to try and express emotion in words. “She came back for me. I couldnae let her down.” Isobel was nodding, her eyes falling to the floor again. Hamish brushed his thumb over her skin to bring her attention back to him and reveled in the softness of it. “But lass, if she hadnae come back … I couldnae have kept myself from you.” His eyes drifted from her eyes to her lips and he was dying to taste her. “Ah, Hell. I cannae keep myself from you now.”

He dipped his head to capture her lips in his and sighed at how right it felt. She melted into him, her arms going around his neck while his hands stroked over her sides. Their progress back towards his bedroom was slow as they took their time stripping each other.

Her pale skin was pink and warm against the off-white of his comforter and he quickly covered her with his own body, their bare skin brushing against each other as he smoothed her hair back and kissed her softly.

Everything was easy between them. As their bodies moved together until he was cradled between her thighs. As she took him into her, so soft and warm and wet for him. As they rocked gently together, staring into each other’s eyes and pressing random kisses to lips and cheeks and eyes and ears. 

Easy and perfect and so very very right. 

When she came, Isobel breathed his name against his ear and the sound of her pleasure along with the feeling of her tightening around him pulled him over the edge with her, and he was finally able to breathe her name to the open air with no fear of retribution.

He lay against her for a few moments as their breathing returned to normal before he rolled off of her and pulled the blankets over them. As soon as his weight was gone she turned to face him and sat up part-way, covering her chest modestly with the sheet. 

There were tears beginning to form in her eyes as she spoke. ”Hamish. You have to tell Alex about this.”

His gaze dropped to the pillow in front of him. This was a line. And he had crossed it. He mentally shook his head at himself; he wasn’t sure exactly what the line had been, but he had crossed it a damned long time ago. 

He looked back up at Isobel to find her still staring intently into his face, the sheet still held protectively against her chest. “You need to tell her, Hamish.”

Hamish reached up to cup her cheek in his hand and nodded. “Aye. I will. I promise.” He pulled her gently down beside him and breathed a sigh of relief when she relaxed into his arms. 

There was no way he couldn’t tell Alex now. Even he had to acknowledge that he had just completely betrayed her trust. This wasn’t okay anymore, hadn’t been for some time if he was honest with himself. This wasn’t fair to Alex or to Isobel.

And as for him … well, he had just experienced his greatest fantasy and he wasn’t sure he could live without her any longer.


End file.
